Friday, April 6, 2012

The Angry Globo-Gym Crossfitter Ep.2


Warning Warning... If you are offended by extreme sarcasm and humor.. then tread no further..

Ok Ok first off, lemme set this straight. I am not hating on people who do not crossfit. We Cool....I'm just saying, I am a HUGE fan of functional movement, and it just happens that crossfit is the best program out there for functional fitness.. Ok got it.. Cool...

Monday morning 5:45am
I arrive at my Globo Nightmare and looky looky their she is, Starbucks 'mocha frappa Iced latte chino' in one hand , her copy of People in the other, she hops on her Elliptical and off she goes.

So I warm up stretch for a bit wait for my workout buddies to show up so we can do the WOD of the day and generally make noise for a good 30 minutes and tear this GLOBO gym a new one

6:15 am. I look over and holy mother of GOD she is still there, and I swear shes on a second cup of Starbucks 'Mint Mocha Cookie Double Jave expresso', I mean where did she even get that. If you have time to Chat ,watch news,  read, and drink a Coffee. YOU ARE NOT WORKING OUT HARD ENOUGH....

6:45 am  We are done our WOD, sweating, panting,  puking, hands hurt, head hurts, muscles ache.  "Yes Elliptical girl I know too you we look weird flopping on the ground and jumping and picking up the gross bar thing and lifting it over our heads" But you see we work more than 1 muscle at a time, Its an amazing concept . The mean guy in me wants to see her fall  off the Elliptical and watch as she tries to pick herself back up, like a helpless turtle, I know its wrong but hey were all thinking it.

SWEET LORD.. 1 pushup, can you please just do 1 pushup, 1 air squat even, I will pay you to literally do 1 air squat.
Annnnnd How the hell did you get a third 'Starbucks Double Chocolate Mint Iced Mocha Latte half Calf no whip'
7:00 am My heart leaps for joy, Elliptical girl is getting off the Elliptical, could this be the day, could this be the glorious day when she decides to actually work out 1 other muscle... wait for it wait for it... NOOOOOOOOOOO. shit, shes getting on the treadmill.

I Slump to the ground defeated......
News Flash ladies.. This Lady below.. is not even close to being good looking, shes scary, like a bikini clad skeleton from Zombie SuperModel Island. Its Ok to get stronger. AND no you wont get bulky or any of the other Cross Training myths.  This is just a helpfull public service announcement to all you Gals who think 3 hours of cardio a day makes you healthy. Try something Different and you will be sooooo glad you did.

12:30 am.. She is still on the dammm Elliptical....

I weep....



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